A. Women are just as good at fighting than men. The problem is that women get tired and men
“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of
kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not
the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her
husband also, and he praiseth her.”
Proverbs 31:26-28 KJV
Fight for Your Unborn Child
“The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a
backbiting tongue. It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than
with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”
Proverbs 25:23-24 KJV
Fight Not Be Offended with Family
A woman has two goals
I. Being a wife submitted to her husband
II. Being a mother leading her children
Unfair Fighting is when it gets to loud, names are called, abusive verbally
or physically, things are thrown. Resolution is never the goal.
- Some people are just short tempered.
- One woman writes, “THE DILEMMA I’m not very nice to my husband
often (and also my son, sometimes). Yet I love them both deeply. I find
myself getting irritated by the most trivial of events, which leads me to
lose my temper and lash out and say horrible things. I keep thinking I
must try to control myself, but I don’t change. I have a responsible job
and manage a team of people, and at work I am mostly calm, though I
have a bit of a reputation for being fiery. My husband is the most patient
and kind person and I feel like I’m taking advantage of his generous
nature. Am I goading him into a reaction and, if so, why? I’m worried that
I’ll drive him away. Often I feel ashamed of my behavior, but rarely
apologize. It’s just not nice being like this. I want to be a nicer person.
- Perhaps this ladies mother was short –tempered (Freudian thing)
- Often times, however, women get tough because of weak husbands.
B. Instead of home being a man’s REFUGE, work is the refuge.
- Often a woman becomes bitter because she cannot forgive her
husband; he may really be that bad, or she may not be very gracious.
Wives Should Fight to be a:
- Peacemaker not a peace-faker.
First, we can be “peace-fakers.” We can deny that there is conflict or
actually run away to avoid dealing with the problem.
- Peacemaker not a peace-breaker.
Second, we can be “peace-breakers.” These are people who are more
interested in winning the argument than saving a friendship.
They can be rude, physically abusive, and even violent.
These people seem to thrive on conflict and will create problems, even in
the midst of peace.
Proverbs 25:24, Proverbs 21:9, Proverbs 21:19
Instead of fighting with your family, fight for your family.
Use the fight to win your family
Use the fight to win your husband
Use the fight to win your son’s
Use the fight to win your daughters
Use the fight to win your grandkids
Put the word to work on your behalf.
Nehemiah 4:20 and God will fight for you
How to fight fair: Conflict Resolution
- Most couples do not know how to fight fairly
disagree but find a medium…compromise
- Unfair fighting Defined: is it loud, bitter, harmful, unproductive, and
sometimes violent. It normally all comes from some combination of the
a: conflict is awful.
b: my needs are more valid than yours
c: only one can win
- Unfair Fighting Styles:
A. Bad Timing – forcing your agenda
B. Blaming – I’m right and your wrong, name calling, past failures,
you always… and I statements are rare
C. Too Many Issues- bringing up things that are past or not relevant
to the current issue
- Covering feelings with anger
Issues come up, come out the wrong way not knowing the facts
watch out for unrelated issues
- Impossible Demands
Be more considerate, don’t be so picky (making bed analogy)
Its hard to work on something when you have no idea of what the
other is thinking.
- Threats and Ultimatums
“I’ll leave if you don’t change”
Silent treatment, I’ll expose your errors and faults
Threats of divorce, hitting, prove a point – put in a corner
Pandemic brought out a lot of these attacks.
Wounds are open and need to be healed
raising your voice, getting loud, throwing things
- Unhappy endings
Fair Fighting: it follows strict rules to keep the exchange fair and
peaceful. Ideally, a fair fight ends by reaching mutually agreeable
- Conflict is inevitable
- Our needs are equally valid
- We can both win
A. Set a time to discuss the conflict
B. state the problem
c. Stick to the issue
d. Properly express your feelings
e. propose change
f. Describe the consequences
g. Prevent escalation
h. end in agreement