Bible Passage: Proverbs 31 Nehemiah 4:20
A. Women are just as good at ﬁghting as men: The problem is that women get tired and men don’t.
“She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”Proverbs 31:26-28 KJV
Fight for Your Unborn Child
Proverbs 25:24“The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue. It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”Proverbs 25:23-24 KJV
Fight Not to Be Offended with Family
A woman has two goals
I. Being a wife submitted to her husband
II. Being a mother leading her children
Unfair Fighting is when it gets too loud, names are called, abusive verbally or physically, things are thrown. Resolution is never the goal.
1. Some people are just short-tempered
2. One woman writes, “THE DILEMMA I’m not very nice to my husband often (and also my son, sometimes). Yet I love them both deeply. I ﬁnd myself getting irritated by the most trivial of events, which leads me to lose my temper and lash out and say horrible things. I keep thinking I must try to control myself, but I don’t change. I have a responsible job and manage a team of people, and at work, I am mostly calm, though I have a bit of a reputation for being ﬁery. My husband is the most patient and kind person, and I feel like I’m taking advantage of his generous nature. Am I goading him into a reaction and, if so, why? I’m worried that I’ll drive him away. Often I feel ashamed of my behavior but rarely apologize. It’s just not nice being like this. I want to be a nicer person. [www.theguardian.com]
3. Perhaps this ladies mother was short-tempered (Freudian thing)
4. Oftentimes, however, women get tough because of weak husbands.
B. Instead of the home being a man’s REFUGE, work is the refuge
1. Often a woman becomes bitter because she cannot forgive her husband; he may really be that bad, or she may not be very gracious.
Wives Should Fight to be a
1. Peacemaker, not a peace-faker. First, we can be “peace-fakers.” We can deny that there is a conﬂict or actually run away to avoid dealing with the problem.
2. Peacemaker, not a peace-breaker.
Second, we can be “peace-breakers.” These are people who are more interested in winning the argument than saving a friendship.
They can be rude, physically abusive, and even violent. These people seem to thrive on conﬂict and will create problems, even in the midst of peace
Proverbs 25:24, Proverbs 21:9, Proverbs 21:19
Instead of ﬁghting with your family, ﬁght for your family.
Use the ﬁght to win your family
Use the ﬁght to win your husband
Use the ﬁght to win your son’s
Use the ﬁght to win your daughters
Use the ﬁght to win your grandkids
Put the word to work on your behalf.
Nehemiah 4:20 and God will ﬁght for you
How to ﬁght fair: Conﬂict Resolution
1. Most couples do not know how to ﬁght fairly disagree but ﬁnd a medium…compromise
2. Unfair ﬁghting Deﬁned: is it loud, bitter, harmful, unproductive, and sometimes violent. It normally all comes from some combination of the following:
a: conﬂict is awful.
b: my needs are more valid than yours
c: only one can win
3. Unfair Fighting Styles:
A. Bad Timing – forcing your agenda
B. Blaming – I’m right and your wrong, name-calling, past failures, you always…
and I statements are rare
C. Too Many Issues- bringing up things that are past or not relevant to the current
4. Covering feelings with anger
Issues come up, come out the wrong way not knowing the facts watch out for
5. Impossible Demands
Be more considerate, don’t be so picky (making bed analogy)Its hard to work on
something when you have no idea of what the other is thinking.
6. Threats and Ultimatums
“I’ll leave if you don’t change
”Silent treatment, I’ll expose your errors and faults
Threats of divorce, hitting, prove a point – put in a corner
Pandemic brought out a lot of these attacks.
Wounds are open and need to be healed
raising your voice, getting loud, throwing things
8. Unhappy endings
Fair Fighting: it follows strict rules to keep the exchange fair and peaceful. Ideally, a fair ﬁght ends by reaching mutually agreeable solutions.
1. Conﬂict is inevitable
2. Our needs are equally valid
3. We can both win
a. Set a time to discuss the conﬂict
b. state the problem
c. Stick to the issued.
d. Properly express your feelings
f. Describe the consequences
g. Prevent escalation
h.end in agreement