Bible Passage: Mark 1:16-21, I Corinthians 15:33, I Peter 5:10, Jeremiah 5:22, Isaiah 59:1-2, Psalms 66:18, Proverbs 20:5
Mark 1:16-20 Jesus called this men into a relationship and they
Do you think Jesus called others that did not come all in.
Did he call some that started out with Him all in and then later
You can’t be who God
called you to be and still
keep all the same
friends and habits.
Elevation calls for
separation. Don’t you
know “Bad company
1 Corinthians 15:33
Some people say…..”but they’re family”…….”but they’ve been in
my life forever”……”but I’ve always been this way”……”but I’ve
always eaten this way”…….”but I’ve always had that habit”……..
Nope, No and No way if you want a different 2023 kind of year
can you continue saying…..”BUT…”
The but in your sentence just erased all possibilities of being the
best version God intended you to be…Physically, Spiritually and
If they dismiss your boundaries…create distance, if you dismiss
your own boundaries with food/drinks/etc. anything hindering you
from maximizing your health make necessary changes,
stop making New Year resolutions each year and disappointing
yourself……gain knowledge and get guidance!!
Self Love intact and discovering the YOU God created with
Be the witness someone once was for you!
Boundaries in ALL Relationships
• Have you ever thought we should reveal God’s
Love through all Relationships?
• Every day, we can help others discover
how deeply loved they are. And it all begins
with an authentic relationship. –Hosanna
Questions to think about:
1. When you first encountered God, what people were
2. What if no one had helped you encounter or grow
your relationship with God?
3. On a scale of one to ten, how easy is it for you to
talk about God with others?
4. What are the biggest challenges or insecurities you
face when sharing your faith?
• Was the person that introduced you to Jesus Rude,
aggressive, arrogant, pushy, or impersonal? Jesus did
not treat people like that.
Let’s think about Matthew, the tax collector-He was
taken money from his people and family, a trader. But
in Matthew 9:9-13
Can you think of some situations like the Samaritan
woman, Zakeyrus-Luke 19:1-10
• Jesus would befriend the trader; We need to see
relationships as Jesus, investing, making, and starting
relationships that will change the world. Are you
known for your relationships? Do not look at it as I
must convert or make them see my view but see this
person as a commission to continue a real relationship.
We first have to learn about the people as much as
possible; and by sharing, actively listening, and
spending quality time, things will evolve in a better
• I don’t know what kind of pain or heartbreak you
may be walking through right now. But I do want to
point you toward the hope found in our key verse: The
God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in
Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will
Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and
steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10).
Boundaries – book
RELATIONSHIPS ( can be with) mother, father, inlaws, sister, husband, wife, cousin, church family, etc.
• You can love them but know that you can’t change
• True change has to come from that person ungodly or
god, Christian. Have you ever heard of anyone trying
to get a grenade to not explode by talking to it.
• There are many reasons any relationship can start to
slip from healthy to unhealthy. Or from fulfilling to
• Relationships can be great until they are not.
• Not many people are equipped to know what to do
when things need to change in a relationship, but the
other person isn’t willing to change. Or we do not
know how to communicate the need in for a boundary.
• Any relationship can be difficult at times, but they
should not be destructive. When you smell smoke and
you are not near a fireplace in your home, this means
what – there is a fire. What do you do to a fire- put it
out or go to bed. (side bar-maybe 10 years ago, we
came home from eating out and our kitchen as filled of
smoke. Looking around and could not figure out where
it was coming from. We did not get in a blame game to
try to convince the other person that they did
something wrong. We simply called to fire department,
it took them an hour and a half to figure out that it was
the microwave cord that was causing the smoke. – Our
microwave is up high and the average person cannot
see behind it.)
• Drawing boundaries can help put out these fires out
before they become consuming. If the relationship
keeps increasing with intensity, you are going to cause
destruction to yourself.
• What does God think about boundaries – the land and
sea have boundaries. (Jeremiah 5:22)
• Where there is abundance of chaos, there is usually
no boundaries. Most of the time we can not change the
source of the chaos, but we tend to what we can
• We as Christian must realize that it is not unhealthy to
set boundaries. As Christians, we are required to treat
people right and treat others in healthy ways. We
should call wrong things wrong and hurtful things
hurtful – BUT with honor, kindness, and love. And we
should know how to spot DYSFUNCTION IN A
• To continue to do the same thing repeatedly and
expecting a different result is what – Insanity. We
are attributing to the chaos / insanity if we do not
recognize it and deal with it.
• Unhealthy behaviors can be driven by underlining
shame or lack of peace or both. Although we are to
have compassion, compassion will cause us to condone
or enable someones behavior. What is the ROOT of the
• We do not want the situation to bring out the ugly. If
you aren’t by nature mean-spirited and the chaos is
causing you to be mean-spirited, the boundaries that
you set will probably cause you to cut that person out
of your life.
• Learn to recognize chaos and remove yourself from
• We must not confuse the good commands to love and
forgive with the bad realities of enabling and covering
up things that are not good.
• We are not saying to cut anyone completely off unless
God has told you to do so. – Being transparent, the old
me would. Because the chaos caused hurt, which
caused hard heartness, which turned into mean spirit,
which made it very easy to cut someone off. – Again
this was the old me.
• A relationship can be chaotic, dysfunctional, and we
can sometimes chalk it up to been us too sensitive. But
would you tell someone to walk on fire and if they get
burned then you blame it on there feet being to
• Chaos and dysfunction only goes away when you
recognize it and deal with it.
• Have you ever gotten mad at the situation, then mad
at yourself for dealing with this situation, again. Do
you know the signs when it is about to start.
• Albert Einstein stated if he was given 1 hour to save
the planet , he would take 59 minutes to figure out the
problem and 1 min to fix it. Is anyone doing the
opposite-59 min trying to resolve the problem and 1
minute to see what the issue is?
• In most relationships ACCESS is the issue. Just think
about your home, bank account, passwords. Would you
grant anyone access to these things? We guard these
things; what about your heart?
• Proverbs 4:23- (?????) If what we do flows from
our heart—our inner and true self. If our heart
believes what is not right, or not true, or not
helpful, or not beneficial—then our ACTIONS will
reflect the same. We guard our heart so we will
act out of what is right and true and good.
Guarding is active not passive.
• Sin gives us limited access to God – Isaiah
59:1-2 & Psalms 66:18
• Iniquity=motivation vs sin=action > never look at
the two words
• ACCESS-in the temple the high priest had the
greatest access, they could enter the holy of holies. But
thy had to be cleanse properly or death was the
• Jesus came and we are forgiven. We are to forgive as
• God offers love to everyone, but not all will have
access to eternal life.
• We should require from people the responsibility to
the amount of access we allow them to have in our
lives . Too much access can be detrimental.
• If we give some a level 10 access , but they are only
capable of the responsibility of level 3, that’s a
problem. We cannot control anyones choices, but we
can control their level of access in our lives.
• Example: You have a friend who you confided in, she
keeps slipping and your conversation gets back to you
thru gossip. This happens over and over- you don’t cut
her off; you just limit what you tell her and learn to
stick to that decision even in a moment of being
• Marriage- example needed/paying bills
Boundaries aren’t meant to be weaponized; they are
meant to be used to prioritize keeping relationships
There is a difference between a difficult relationship
and a destructive relationship!
• Relationships often die because conversations were
• Dysfunction is major. We must recognize them and
begin the process on fixing.. This is not an offensive
word. Meaning-not operating normally or properly.
• Friend and myself was at a book tour a couple of
weeks ago and the authur mention that her hot water
heater is somehow connected to a backlight for her
porch. Her sister was showering and she yelled, Lysa
immediately knew the sound of that yell, she ran cut
the switch on and her sister continued her shower. They
sat down and her sister said, do you know that’s not
normal. Lisa stated yes , but Iv been dealing with so
long , its nothing. Lisa stated someone must of moved
the sticker that I had on the switch. –
DSYFUNTIONAL-things are not working correctly.
Example: When one friend depends on another friend
to make them feel ok all the time.
• Luis Villareal, attorney -Because of the fall, we all
have a level of distortion and dysfunction. We do not
perceive, think, feel or behave in the healthiest ways.
As a result, we have anxiety, shame, low self-esteem,
pessimism, depression and perfectionism-this will
effect the dynamics of all relationship.
• Appropriately addressing an issue is healthy. Ignoring
the issue may increase dysfunction.
• When we cover up the truth about manipulation,
denial, or partially omitted for the sake of covering a
behavior. This skips dysfunction and goes into
destructive. When then run the risk of tolerating and
accepting bad behavior. Do you have that person in the
family/ friend that everyone says, “well, that’s just
them, we all no how they are. Because no one has
addressed this person, there behavior is less and less
alarming, and more acceptable and eventually our
version of normal.
• Is the person in the relationship, manipulative. –