5 Essentials to TRUST

June 5 2024

Book: Luke

Luke 22:22
Psalms 41:9
Psalms 55:12
5 Essentials of Trust from Dr. Henry Cloud, NYT best-selling author of Boundaries
Dr. Henry Cloud
Trust is the fuel for all of life. We are wired biologically, neurologically, emotionally, spiritually,
and psychologically to trust.
Trust is the currency that drives every relationship, beginning with the foundational bond
between infants and their mothers, extending to the trust networks that undergird every human
endeavor – art, science, commerce – and binding together every relationship we have ever had
or ever will have.
Nothing in our world works without trust.
In Trust, Dr. Henry Cloud walks through in-depth the 5 essentials of trust.
The more we can identify and understand these traits, the better we can perceive them in
others and live them out ourselves.
This knowledge will help us to know what to look for in other people as we decide whom to
trust, leading us to more trusting relationships and giving us greater ability to avoid people and
situations that will bring us harm.
Below are the 5 essentials of trust and excerpts on their importance.
1. UNDERSTANDING
The process of trust begins by listening and by understanding other people
—what they want and what they’re feeling
—in short, knowing what matters to them.
The task is to know them instead of to persuade them.
People must feel known in order to trust.
Trust begins not with convincing someone to trust you; it starts with someone feeling that you
know them.
When someone feels that you understand them, something magical happens.
The brain begins to change, to move from its neutral or guarded state, or an “against you”
state, to an open state.
Their brain opens up to being open to you, and trust takes its first step.
2. MOTIVE
But, even when someone understands what you need, it is possible for them to be in it just for
themselves and not for you.
Thus, real trust is built not only through understanding but making sure the other party’s motive
is right, meaning that they are for your good.
The second essential of trust—motive—is the one that keeps our entire system wondering
about people.
“Why is he or she doing this?
Who is it really for?
What are they trying to get out of this?
Do they want something good for me too?”
These are important questions that everything about us continually wants to decode in order
for us to be truly “careless.”
When the motive is to benefit others and not just ourselves, everyone profits.

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